i did nothing much today. i wake up pretty late today at around 4plus. i guess this is due to the lack of sleep i had for the past few days. tomorrow i will be having a training and my left leg muscle is killing me. i cant walk properly. Ahhh! & later at 8am tomorrow, AhGinn's leaving to KL and will be back on the 15th. i'll be missing her like hell. i mean turn by turn are leaving for holiday and me, still stuck in Singapore with the same environment. have a safe journey come & go. :'(

we're not in talking terms for this past few days. usually we'll tend to talk on the phone till late night but somehow things changed. yesterday i was suppose to meet them but instead i spoiled it. i know i am to be blame. ive spent too much time on others and not my loved ones who are always there for me. i am so selfish. i admit it.
i dont wish to be apart from her but i think we are, slowly.
i dont want lose her but i think i am, slowly.
i dont want our friendship to be destroy but it is, slowly.
and now, i dont know what to do. all i did was to cry and cry throughout the whole night before sleeping. i use to crap jokes with her and laugh like hell whenever we meets and infact almost everday without missing. but things are different now. partly its because of me. i blame myself for being so selfish, thinking about myself and not others. eversince the _______, everything's different.
i want the old her,
i want the old times and
i want the old us.
if only i know this would happen, i wont be doing it in the first place. i was careless. and now, its all in a mess. if i want to sort things out now, i think i'll ruin the friendship instead. should i step out and lead a new environment which i know i cant bare to or should i just remain silence? i need to make a confession to them but i know this will sure be a chaos. definitely. i mean it. i cant keep it to myself anymore. i want to let it all out but i dont know who. its all in a mess and i have to clear it all by myself and i dont know how. i cant help it but to cry day & night on my bed. sometimes i feel like im sucha a burden to all. to them, to my family. i lose many of my loved ones this year after reminscing the past. i miss my oldself and my old times i use to have. no problems, no stress. nothing at all. i was free like a bird. my mind was in peace but not now. now everything is different. ive made a greatest mistake that i know they wont forgive me and i bet they'll hate me even more and lose the trust that we used to have. i wanna go. i dont wish to suffer alone and hurt people's feeling. ive had enough.

i want to break free..