This is a very random post. I don't know why but I just feel that I wanna pour it all out here. My family life is very unstable now. Father rarely went home and gave Mother money. Like, what the hell. How am I gonna get my pocket money to school and little brother too. Sis is now waiting for her results, so she's either at home sleeping and doing house chores or going out with Abg Noi. Or rather waste money on unnecessary stuffs. She's working but it's part time. But I see no difference if she's working or doesn't. Why? Cause I barely even see her money whenever her pay comes.



Oh well, reminiscene back during late November and December, Father created alot of problems that made Mother think too much. I pity her and I love her. I may be rude to her whenever we talk but deep down, I love her alot. Father? I rather lose a Father than a Mother. But strangely, I don't know why I was against their break up last year when Mother intended to break up with Father due to some circumstances. My feelings got all mixed. I was so angry, sad, depressed and upset in both parties. I don't know who to blame. And I realised I was so stupid behaving that way at that point of time. Lying to her, went home in the morning, drink and got drunk with my work mates, club till 6am at 2 clubs in one day. I really regret doing all those stuffs.



I pity Mother now. She's undergoing alot of stress now. Father is behaving like a big time fucker. I wish I could ask someone to bang him in the expressway and make sure he's dead. I'm so so happy man if he dies. Even Mother says that too that day. Life will be easy for the four of us, or maybe three, without Amirul. My brother was totally unplanned child. I think without him, Mother will be happy to find better jobs and earn more for money for us and not to worry about us at home or not.



For now, I don't want to know how Mother and Father is doing. What I care and concerns most is my studies and career. I wanna be a successful young teen who wants to pursue her dreams. I make sure this day happenned. I can't wait for after O's. I want to continue my studies in either Poly or JC and then find a job or if there's chance for me to still continue studying, then I will. Insyallah.



Exams are just around the corner and I better do well for Mid Year. I don't want to see bad grades on my progress cards and report book. I wanna do well for O's. I target at least 15points or below. And I make sure I will achieved it. English is the weakest subject for me and I don't know why. I have to start reading books and practice more comprehension. Art is a killer. I want to end it as fast as possible. Science is another one of my weak subject. I better start revising them now before it's too late. The others are still quite manageable for me. I want to prove everyone that I can do it. Dear God, give me the strength will you?



And lastly I love Mom and NESHQ very much. :D