RANDOM, IGNORE ME.


This is random, so please ignore my post.
I have no one to share this with. I mean it's not that I don't have anyone to share with but I rather type it all out here. I don't know what's on my mind lately. Seriously. Currently I'm sitting for my O levels and so far I have sat for my Science Practicals and I know I didn't do well. And as for today, I sat for both my English Paper 1 and 2. Paper 1 was quite manageable but Paper 2 was somehow very tricky for me. Oh well, not to worry much. I'm just hoping that the other papers would be an easier one, provided that I also studied them thoroughly in order to pass all the other subjects.

Studies.
Talking about studying, the minute when I wanna open my notes or books to start studying, I get bored and distracted. I don't know why that I even placed a drawing block with big captions saying, "STAY FOCUS, PERSERVERE & POLYTECHNIC!" With a small notes saying, "endure till 11th Nov & ENJOY!". I placed it exactly infront of my study table so as not to give up easily. So far this method work for me for now. But sooner later, I'm not sure about it.

Polytechnic.
I'm currently still unsure of what course I should take but for now, I'm targetting for at least 20 points for my O levels. If I can hit lesser, then better still. I've done my target settings and currently I'm targetting English, Malay, Art & Science; C5, Humans, POA and Maths B4. I'm now currently retaking my MT O levels so I hope to score a better grade as I got Distinction for my Oral.

Family.
Sis and boyfriend now are doing fine I guess. I don't wish to interfere on her relationship. Mom currently hates him now and that's for sure. I know Sis know about it but she takes no notice to it. I don't know how my family situation would be few years down the road. I hope Sis read my blog and understand how Mom is feeling now. All her money now is gone to waste for Sis's abortion and yesterday, the electrical appliances was cut off due to the overdued amount payment. Mom's phone bill has also cut off. Alot of bills have not been paid yet. Sometimes I even planned to stop school after O levels and help Mom but I don't want to. I don't want to suffer when others are causing problems. If all this didn't happen, I doubt our family situation will be like this now. Sister, I just want you to think out of the box. A mother who has been looking after her own child is now deeply hurt after what you've done to her. She gives us freedom and fun but you misused it. I admit I AM worse than you but I have my limits though. I know what is right and what is wrong. Mom cried day and night thinking about your problem. Father is working but at the same time, his heart and mind is not at rest, thinking about your problem. Not only them but me too. Yes, ME! Your own sister, Kakak! Wake up for goodness sake! Don't you realised your major big mistakes?! I don't know what else to do now. What I know now is to made Mom and Father happy and see them smile again with my wonderful O levels results and to continue studying in Polytechnic. So please, do something for yourself now. Go for job hunting and please don't be fickle minded about jobs offered. I know you've been dying to find an Admin job but it takes time. Go on with other kinds of job for the time being. Hopefully one day you'll get a stable job and find someone better than him. He is better for you now but for Mom? Think Kakak. YOu want your marriage not to be fulfilled by both parents? I'm sure you wouldn't want kan. Who will you risk your life for? Your own blood mother or your dearest boyfriend? Think please.

Him.
I don't know what's with him now. You saw me online, you quickly change your status. Sometimes I think it's not worth thinking about you when I know that you don't even bother about me. I regret somehow knowing you. For now, I just hope that you're doing fine with your job and take good care of your family especially your dad with his condition like that. You may wish to avoid me or whatsoever. I don't wish to bother anymore. If you feel like contacting me, then by all means. If not, then I wouldn't care less. The choice is now up to you. Take care, Dearest.

Money.
I can't wait for enjoyment and celebration after O levels. I want earn more money and do more shopping for myself. I wanna have fun and enjoy my life to the fullest. Few months to come, I'll be soon turning 17. I need to set a target and aim for my future to come. Studies is a never ending journey in one's live. Trust me. I wanna help Mom and the household bills if possible. I need moral support now.


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Alright, enough. I think I feel better now. :(