I wanna let it all out now. So please, after reading this, don't ask me time and again why I cried on those nights. Please, I'm begging you. Yes, call me ego and I don't care cause I'm happy and I'm satisfied that way.



I regret for leaving you in the past and choose him instead of you. I didn't realised at that point of time it wasn't him who truly loves me wholeheartedly but it was you. I left you in darkness but went on with him and things doesn't work out. I was mean that I don't even bother to reply or answer your calls when you called me after we broke up. Though we were in friend to friend terms, still, I choose to ignore you instead but you just kept quiet. And then from there both of us went separate ways and then now, he come and go in my life as and when he wants. And recently after you and me contacted each other back, we share alot of our past. I have to admit it that I really miss our past like fucking alot. Too much of the memories we spent that even you can remember it very well. Talking on the phone till dawn, calling each other names, started to talk nonsense and then laugh about it when the clock strikes 5am, automatic hang up every hour, the day you fainted when the first time we meet, the day that I held the remote instead of the phone when we were having our late night conversation, the day that you made me cry just wanting to test whether I truly scared of loosing you, the day that you told me that you need to go Johor for few days and wouldn't be calling me due to some reasons, using up all the coins you have just to call me using the public phone and keep me accompany till dawn, sacrifise your sleeping time and alot more that I couldn't even list it all out here. If only I could, then I would. But sadly you told me now that you're attached. Part of me was happy for you, seriously, because I am glad that you've moved on and find someone which is better than me. But part of me was sad because I know I am not your Top One now. As in the best of the best. And somehow I got this sudden feeling that I fall for you back but then I keep telling myself no cause I know how she would feels if I were to be in her shoes. And another part of me was not wanting you to break off with her just because now we're already contacting each other back like very often and worst, without her knowledge and I somehow feel bad about it. And I seriously don't know why I cried that night after putting down the phone. I got this sudden feeling that we will lose contact each other which I don't want to but also I fear that I might be falling for you even deeper. So tell me, what am I suppose to do now? Avoiding you is so the last thing that I would do now cause your presence in my life makes a greater remark. You made my day with all your lame and cute funny jokes. I am so confused. Like seriously. Though my heart and feelings is still for 24th but I know we can never be together again. It was made very clear after the incident. He only treats me as his dearest girlfriend. I am so fucking clueless now. And I think the best is to kill both birds with one stone but how? I don't even dare to and I am not ready for it. I need suggestions but then to think again, they'll always say follow your heart. And now I don't even know what my heart wants at this point of time. How? All I'm left now is the big capital question mark and the three letters; H O W ?. Help me please.



Sorry, I couldn't even imagine that I actually dare to say it all out here.



It touches my heart when you said if I was there beside you crying, you would lent your shoulders to lean on and you made me feel that I would be losing you when you told me that you won't be calling me because you thought that I'm lack of rest for spending too much time talking on the phone with you till dawn.
















God, please save me.